PFAM 19: Who would you be?
Wednesday, March 10 2010
I am late and short on this – I wish my real-world life were more conducive to my blogging – but here is the 19th edition of Patients for a Moment.
You’ll recall that the question asked where you would be without your illness. I had ample time to think about this over the past week; we took a vacation out West, and drove through Colorado Springs. You can see, from Interstate 25, the distinctive spires of the Air Force Academy chapel – as a kid, all I wanted in life was to go to the Academy and join the Air Force. That’s probably who I’d be, if I hadn’t gotten sick.
That’s my shallow answer to a deep and difficult question. After reading others’ answers, I see that I made an assumption that illness is a formative event in everyone’s life. Not so, as I learned. Getting sick was probably a bigger change for me than for many people, because it came at such a dynamic point in my life (ie senior year of high school). But for an adult, already set and formed in their identity, this ends up being a trivial question. So when Vlad at WellBook Blog writes, “I have not allowed my illness to change the deep fundamentals of my personality” – that’s a claim I can’t make for myself, and it makes me wonder when he became ill.
From the other direction, Laurie at A Chronic Dose writes, “When you’ve been sick your entire life, that becomes a much harder question to answer.” When all you’ve known is illness, it’s probably quite difficult to imagine a life without illness, at least one that makes sense.
Several contributors argued they would be worse persons, at least in some respects, without their illnesses. Diana at Somebody Heal Me says she is a more humble, cooperative person for her illness, but – “I don’t think this awareness is a fair trade off for losing my career, my connections to other people and the ability to earn my own living, not to mention the pain I live with daily, but I do think it is important to acknowledge the ways in which something positive has come out of an otherwise completely shitty situation.” Leslie at Getting Closer to Myself doesn’t exactly answer the question, but comes up with similar thoughts – “Sometimes I feel like illness has made me a stronger person than I was when I was healthy. But right now that seems like a pretty big price to pay from always having to be on guard about my health.”
Finally, two of the most positive contributions: first, Rachel at Rachel’s Diabetes Tales says she would be lost without her illness – “I can’t put my finger on any other interests that would have sparked my writing bug and allowed me to find purpose in my life.” And Sandra at Healing Environmental Illness writes – “Illness has pushed me to come to know my true self instead of living life on automatic, half asleep, racing endlessly toward that elusive concept of who I might have been.” If we can’t all be well, we can at least hope for this sort of purpose and self-awareness.
Not too many answers this week, but thanks to everyone who contributed. I don’t have a host for the next edition (March 24th), so let me know if you are interested.
Thanks for an excellent roundup of posts. I’ve been thinking about this question ever since you first posted it and wish I had taken the time to write. Like you, my reply starts with how I would have been someone totally different on a totally different path…
Thanks again.
-Q
Duncan I have been having increasingly severe problems for about 2 years now and I’m 37 so indeed, it’s different for me from someone who got sick in their formative years.
Eeee! I didn’t even know this one was going on otherwise I would have contributed!
Oh wells, I guess I’ll have to try and catch the next one.
Ugh – so sorry I missed the deadline for this! There were some good contributions and I agree with a number of them on many points. Sometimes experiences are difficult to put into words when they become so deeply imbedded into who we are and who we continue to become. Perhaps, for my late contribution, I would have to say that I’ve learned the value of forgiveness – for my body, for my friends and family, and, most importantly, for my self. Thanks, Duncan, for putting this all together.
I have a half written post about this topic, that I left unfinished when I decided it was too whiny.
It’s a great question though, and I put a lot of time into pondering it. I like reading other people’s posts about it.
Thanks, Duncan!!
Duncan,
Thanks so much for all you’ve done for Patients for a Moment. I’ve learned so much by reading the posts on various editions.
I appreciate your simple and straightforward answer to this time’s questions. I’m sorry you missed out on the Air Force experience. I think you are right that it makes a difference in perspective when illness descends at a later age. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be ill in my twenties like I am now. I bow to all you who are coping with such overwhelming disorders as young adults.
I would probably either still working at my job as a parlegal, or actually enjoying retirement on disability. I might even be taking courses online to become a certified advocate. However, since I cannot change the past, I advocate as a volunteer and moderate a chronic pain group. I am also a caregiver.