Robots want to probe my prostate
Saturday, January 17 2009
My local hospital sent me a glossy four page brochure about all the great things they can do to my body. The star of this document is the Da Vinci Surgical Robot – apparently, the hospital just bought its second robot, which is mostly used for prostate surgery – and the rest of the brochure features joint replacement and cardiac stents.
I’m sure a great many people much, much older and much, much richer than me will appreciate this information. “Arnold, the kids aren’t bringing their families for Christmas this year; let’s take that Mediterranean cruise we always talked about.” “I don’t know, Elaine – look at these titanium hips. Aren’t they nice? And how about this stent? Just imagine what my arteries could do with a stent like that.” As for this thirty-something, I am satisfied with my factory-issue joints, opposed to stents for ideological reasons, and I have been told many times that my prostate is a “nice size”. Good thing we can recycle mixed paper in my neighborhood.
Obviously, the hospital’s marketing department doesn’t know how old I am – so, uh, yay for HIPAA? Yes, perhaps when I’m older, I will want robot-assisted prostate surgery. One assumes by then there will be more any evidence the robot is safer, more effective, not a massive waste of money, et cetera – but that’s a long, long time from now. Even then, I fear the Da Vinci may have difficulty gaining acceptance among my generation, if only for its unfortunate resemblance to something far, far less therapeutic.
The Da Vinci robot: It’s a good bet the Empire knows your swollen prostate.
(droid picture from the National Air and Space Museum)
